Études de Plume: No. 1
Writing Dialogue
When you are writing dialogue it is important to keep things simple. Consider the passage below:
“One credit?” I said. “That’s it?”
“That’s why I’m a year older than everybody else. I lost a whole year of school. A whole year,” he repeated. “Do you know what that’s like? Losing a year of your life?”
“Maybe not a year, but…” I said. I’d lost several weeks of my life in the hospital. That had to count for something.
He shook his head and held up a hand.
“Don’t bother,” he said. “I’ve heard it before.
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It is best to keep things simple by using the word “said”. In the passage, the characters did not utter, blurt, call, cry, exclaim, blab, babble, jabber, or affirm a single word. Primarily, they “said”. Only once did the author choose a different word, and that was done to emphasize a point.
Also, the characters never said anything softly, carefully, sharply, etc. There is no need to qualify “said” with an adverb. It detracts from your writing.
And so remember, when it comes time for your characters to utter achingly poignant prose, don’t let the thesaurus get in your head. Keep things simple and use the word “said”.
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Generally speaking, when I write dialogue, I use “said”. “He said” and “she said”. Why? Because I want my writing to be invisible. I don’t want readers distracted by my words. I want them to be absorbed by the tale at hand and extravagant word choice can sometimes be a distraction.
Look at the excerpt from Chapter Two of Love at First… . Please note the highlighted words in bold.
“That’s it?” she said. “You go all dreamy on me because some guy knew what brand of cheap knockoff perfume you wear? You’ve got to be kidding me, Mariel. I mean…did he have a scar or something? A war story? Anything? Please tell me it was more than his sense of smell that made you go all crazy.”
Mariel smiled at her friend. “Nope,” she said. “That’s it. His sense of smell. And I don’t wear cheap perfume, thank you very much.”
“But what’s so special about the perfume you were wearing?” Rebecca asked. “So it wasn’t cheap. Does he have a big nose? Please don’t tell me he has a big nose.”
Mariel shook her head.
“Bald?” Rebecca asked, shuddering.
“He has plenty of hair,” Mariel countered. “And as for my perfume, I wear Paris. I don’t wear it very often and I’ve had the bottle for about a year. For some reason, I decided to dab a bit of it here and there the other night. I normally don’t wear it.”
“Didn’t I buy that for you?” Rebecca asked. “For Christmas last year?”
“No,” Mariel said firmly. “You bought me pears. Not Paris.”
“Hmmm, I’ve heard of the city but not the perfume,” Rebecca said. “The fanciest perfume I’ve ever worn is Chanel No. 5.”
“And that’s just it. How many men can actually name a perfume?”
Rebecca nodded. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Most of the time they say stuff like, ‘You smell real good.’ Not many synapses firing when it comes to smell. Maybe his ex-wife or girlfriend wore the stuff. He bought it as a gift for her. There could be lots of reasons he knew what you were wearing.”
“Hmmmm,” Mariel shook her head. “No,” she insisted. “This was something more. This was something different. There was no hesitation and a look of surprise like ‘Hey! I know that smell.’ He was casual about it. Like it was matter of fact. How many men are going to be able to pick out a particular scent?”
“Not many,” Rebecca admitted.
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Most of the time, I used “said” unless it was a question. The functional equivalent of “said” for a question is “asked”. I could have used “queried”, but how many people actually speak like that? Not many. You should write like you speak (that’s another lesson for another time).
When I used “admitted” or “insisted”, it was because those words were a better fit than simply “said”.
My characters don’t articulate, announce, assert, declare, yak, opine, or orate. They say. That is all.
And when they have a question, my characters don’t demand, grill, enjoin, or query. They ask. That is all.
Remember, don’t lose your readers with your language. If I have to stop and think about what you are trying to say, then I am no longer “in the story”. I refer to this a “thesaurus writing”.
Thank You
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